Muzak Isn't Muzak Anymore

Back in barely-recorded times (compared to today, when a New Permanent Record* digitally records for all time the embarassing moments and youthful tirades that used to be recorded solely in memory or perhaps on actual, tangible photographic prints, the negatives of which could be systematically hunted down and destroyed in cases where the subject of said prints was a) running for public office or b) marrying into the aristocracy), back then the environmental music that played in public spaces (elevators, malls, department stores, supermarkets), workplaces (factories, offices) and other waiting places (on-hold on the telephone) was some sort of acoustical pablum, auditory Valium, etherial Prozac, typically instrumental, vaguely jazzy, vaguely music.

That still happens, but more often today the music you hear when someone wants you to chill out or to shop longer is Real Music, performed by Real Artists. So the Muzak at Abercrombie & Fitch is the actual Goo Goo Dolls and not a cheesy instrumental version of the Goo Goo Dolls. (While the artistic merits of one over the over are perhaps arguable (I'm referring in particular to the case of the Goo Goo Dolls, who some claim were ACTUALLY GOOD back in the early 90s when they gigged at tiny bars in Portland and before they TOTALLY SOLD OUT), they are not the topic of this analysis.)

So part of the point used to be that Muzak was so cornballcorndogcorny, it was easily identified by contraries of the day as 99 and 44/100ths percent EVIL (and the remaining 66/100ths percent ELVIS).

But when they (meaning Them) started using Real Music that Real People actually listen to on purpose during their Own Personal Time (O.P.T.), well, that just made rummaging through the discount rack or getting your teeth drilled or waiting patiently with an already-opened can of whoopass in hand to talk to a customer service representative about a $250 late fee seem like a lazy afternoon chilling next to the stereo at home or cruising down a back road with the radio playing softly, friendly-ly, in the background. Nice. Personal. Normal.

Overscored Life

If you listen to nearly any children's television program (not watch, but listen--anything on Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon will do, including the best show on television), you will notice the soundtrack. Every moment is underscored (over-scored, really (over-underscored)), with music. The same thing goes for movies and television shows designed for adults, but it's more obvious with children's programming, suggesting that the people who make these things for kids either think children today are too ADHD-addled or brain-impared to recognize a dramatically-heightened moment without blatant auditory cues or are insane adults with no attention spans and a disturbing need for non-stop auditory cues to guide them through life.

Anyway, Muzak was one of the first steps toward the overscored world we live in today, with environmental music, personalized ringtones, car and motorcycle mufflers tuned for maximum amplitude and the ca-ching of the cash (or credit, with easy terms) register drowning out the one sound we used to priviledge above all others (and which seems increasingly irrelevant)--the voice of a live, next-to-you, talking, thinking human.

* The Internet, or The Web, or whatever you want to call it (May I suggest "Sven"? That way one could say, "Sven has pics of me on Flickr shampooing a Ukrainian at that techno bar." Or, "See my blog on Sven for my rave about Steven Seagal's band's new rockin tune ("Finally! Blues-roots music by-and-for people who can dispatch swarthy evildoers with a flip of a manly ponytail!!! Luv it!!!!! CIOOYG!!!!!++")).

++ Check It Out Or You're Gay!!!!^^^

^^^ Some of my best friends are gay.####

#### And it can mean happy, you know.